The Things High Performers Don’t Say Out Loud

Victoria Canham • 16 April 2025 • 3 min read

Victoria Canham Coaching: a collage of high performers sharing a secret

"You either talk it out or act it out. One is conscious, the other leaks." – Dr. Thema Bryant

There’s a strange loneliness that creeps in once you hit a certain level of success.

You're doing the work. Showing up. Delivering. Maybe even carrying a whole team on your back. And still, there's this uncomfortable thought that lingers in the background:

“Is anyone actually looking out for me?”

Last week, I wrote about the pressure to always appear ‘strong’ at work — how high performers are often denied the same psychological safety they’re expected to create for others. You can read that one here if you missed it.

But this week, I want to take it a step further.

Into the unspoken.

The things high performers don’t say — not to colleagues, not even to their partners — but that eat away quietly in the background of every “successful” day.

You're not allowed to say you're tired

High performers don’t get "bad days." They get labelled as "off-brand" if they talk about pressure or burnout.Especially if you’re a white, middle-aged man.There’s this unspoken expectation: You’ve had the opportunities. You earn good money. So don’t complain.

Meanwhile:

✳️ Every employee group has a network. You don’t.

✳️ You mentor, coach, and support others. But who’s helping you stay resilient? Are you really supposed to just leave it all on the golf course and be accused of being exclusionary at the same time?

✳️ You’re expected to stay motivated and manage your own progression. But you’re exhausted and unsure what’s next.

And it raises questions no one talks about — but you think about all the time:

✳️ What happens if I stop coping?

✳️ What if this isn’t enough anymore?

✳️ What if I’ve outgrown this role, but I can’t say that out loud?

You are the talent… so how do you talk about retention?

You’ve probably had countless conversations about talent retention — strategy sessions, data, programmes, L&D initiatives. As a former Change Manager and L&D Specialist, I've had hundreds of these conversations.

But what if the talent that’s at risk is you?

What if you're the one quietly planning an exit strategy while still smiling through the meetings? What if you're the one that has been left no other choice than quiet quitting, even though it goes against every moral fibre of your being?

And here’s the irony: the systems aren’t built to support people like you. You’re seen as fine because you’ve always been fine. You're never any trouble, are you?

But you’re not. Not really.

What high performers really need right now

You don’t need an expensive motivational speaker or a mindfulness app. You need a safe, strategic space where you can say the things no one else seems to understand.

You need to talk about:

✳️ Career progression that doesn’t involve burnout.

✳️ Managing performance and mental well-being.

✳️ Wanting more — without guilt.

✳️ Taking up space without apology.

Because doing well on paper isn’t enough anymore.

You are allowed to be done with surface-level support.

And that’s not a failure. It’s clarity.

If you’re reading this and nodding quietly to yourself, know this:

There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just operating at a level where superficial solutions no longer work.

If you’re ready to talk about the stuff that’s actually on your mind — the invisible weight, the frustration, the boredom masked as burnout — I’m here for that.

No pretence. No fluff. Just proper, grown-up support designed for people like you.

❓Frequently Asked Questions

What do high performers struggle with but rarely talk about?

High performers often carry an invisible burden — the pressure to maintain standards, lead without complaint, and appear resilient even when they’re emotionally depleted. Many feel responsible for others’ emotional wellbeing while their own goes unsupported. Loneliness, stagnation, and a sense of being overlooked are common, but rarely voiced.

How can coaching help high-performing professionals?

Coaching creates a safe, strategic space to work through the internal pressure, unspoken frustrations, and big decisions that come with success. It supports emotional clarity, performance growth, and career navigation without judgement — especially for those who don’t feel seen by traditional support systems.

Why don’t high performers ask for help more often?

Because they're usually the ones others come to. There’s often a fear that speaking up will look like weakness, or worse — ingratitude. Many have been conditioned to just “get on with it,” which can leave them burnt out, under-supported, and unsure how to voice what they really need.

Still carrying the mental weight of performance with no one to hold space for you? Last week’s blog dove into why high performers don’t always feel emotionally safe — and what that does to your energy, decision-making and long-term goals. Catch up on that here if you missed it.

And if you're ready for proper support that doesn't talk down to you, sugar-coat the truth, or slap a cliché quote over burnout 📞 Book a private call with me — no pressure, just a grown-up conversation about where you are and where you want to go.

I’m Vicki Canham — your performance partner. I help high-achieving professionals say the things they can’t say anywhere else, and get the clarity, energy and direction they need to move forward.

🔗 Book a private call with me

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Victoria Canham - Your Performance Partner

Victoria is an ICF-accredited certified professional coach, who offers personalised performance coaching. With a background in change management and countless hours of professional coaching training and experience, I made the big switch to full-time coaching in 2020. I know what it is like to suddenly have the rug pulled out from under you while you're busy making other plans, as a result, I now help people like you to bounce back from adversity and major setbacks to emerge stronger and better than ever before. Our clients have transformed from feeling overwhelmed by life's challenges to confident, goal-driven individuals who navigate life's obstacles with ease. They've achieved their personal and professional objectives and embodied peak performance in all aspects of life. You too can experience this transformation. This is your moment. Your chance to take control, to choose growth over stagnation, achievement over inaction. This is your opportunity to prove to yourself that you're not defined by your challenges—you're defined by how you rise above them. Are you ready to transform your life and achieve peak performance?